Fostering Strong Sibling Bonds for Marital Bliss: Strategies to Avoid Relationship Strain.
In the intricate dance of life, relationships intertwine to form a multifaceted tapestry that deeply affects our emotional well-being, with marriages standing as a central pillar. Amidst this intricate web of connections, the bond between siblings emerges as a significant influence. Sibling relationships, characterized by shared experiences, deep-seated emotions, and intricate dynamics, possess the power to enrich family life, yet they also harbor the potential to disrupt marital harmony.
Sibling love, with its blend of affection, camaraderie, and rivalry, constitutes a fundamental aspect of family dynamics. While it often contributes to the richness of familial bonds, the complexities inherent in sibling relationships can occasionally spill over into marital relationships, exerting unintended strains. Whether rooted in unresolved childhood conflicts, feelings of competition, or divergent life paths, the influence of sibling dynamics on marriages is a nuanced and often overlooked aspect of interpersonal dynamics.
Navigating the delicate balance between sibling relationships and marital harmony demands introspection, communication, and boundary-setting. Couples must confront any challenges arising from sibling interactions with empathy and understanding, fostering an environment where both familial ties and marital bonds can coexist harmoniously. By acknowledging the intricate interplay between these relationships, couples can cultivate resilience and strengthen their union, ensuring that sibling love enriches rather than diminishes the fabric of their marriage.
Tips to Prevent Strain in Nurturing Healthy Sibling Relationships to Strengthen Marriages
To prevent strain and fortify marriages, nurturing healthy sibling relationships requires proactive measures. Couples can prioritize open communication, fostering understanding and empathy towards each other's familial ties. Setting clear boundaries and addressing unresolved conflicts promptly helps maintain harmony. By cultivating mutual respect and support for each other's sibling connections, couples create a supportive environment where both familial and marital bonds thrive. Recognizing the interplay between these relationships and implementing these strategies ensures that marriages remain resilient and strengthened by the positive influence of healthy sibling dynamics.
The Dynamics of Sibling Relationships
Sibling relationships are deeply rooted and can shape our understanding of companionship, loyalty, and conflict resolution. These relationships often begin in childhood and evolve over time, impacting our communication styles and emotional responses.
The Delicate Balance in Sibling Love and Marital Harmony
Sibling relationships are intricate, and while love and connection are essential, they can inadvertently create challenges within marriages. Here are a few ways sibling dynamics can affect marital harmony.
[1]. Interference: Over-involved siblings might offer unsolicited advice or try to intervene in marital matters, leading to conflicts or misunderstandings.
[2]. Comparison: Sibling rivalry can extend into adulthood, triggering feelings of inadequacy or jealousy that might impact how partners perceive themselves and their relationships.
[3]. Prioritization: If one partner is excessively attached to a sibling, it might lead to prioritizing their needs over the spouse's, causing feelings of neglect.
[4]. Communication Patterns: Siblings may have established communication patterns that differ from those of the marriage, leading to misunderstandings or misinterpretations.
Strategies to Foster Healthy Sibling Relationships
[1]. Open Communication: Discuss any concerns about sibling relationships with your spouse. Establish a mutual understanding of boundaries and potential issues.
[2]. Set Boundaries: Create clear boundaries with siblings to ensure that your marriage remains a private and sacred space.
[3]. Equal Treatment: Treat siblings and in-laws fairly and consistently, avoiding any perception of favoritism that might cause friction.
[4]. Cultivate Independence: Encourage siblings to establish their own lives, interests, and hobbies, reducing the likelihood of excessive interference.
Strategies to Protect Marital Harmony
[1]. Prioritize the Marriage: Make sure that your partner knows they are your priority. Allocate quality time for each other, reinforcing the strength of your marital bond.
[2]. Open Dialogue: If a sibling's actions or behaviours are affecting your marriage, address the issue openly and honestly. Constructive communication is key.
[3]. Seek Professional Help: If conflicts persist, consider seeking the guidance of a therapist or counsellor to navigate complex emotions and dynamics.
[4]. Mutual Support: Encourage each other's relationships with siblings, but ensure that it doesn't come at the expense of your marriage.
Navigating the intricate realm of family relationships while preserving marital harmony is a delicate dance. Sibling relationships, while crucial, should be nurtured in a way that supports, rather than hinders, the sanctity of marriage. By fostering healthy communication, setting boundaries, and prioritizing your partner, you can strike a balance that allows both sibling love and marital happiness to coexist harmoniously. Remember, relationships require ongoing effort and understanding, but with the right approach, you can create a supportive environment where both family and marriage flourish.
The thought that brings about this post which I called how to avoid sibling love that hurts marriages is from what Chioma Ifeanyi-Eze shared on her Facebook page which got lots of reactions with deep insight comments. Here is her post and the comments that followed.
I HAVE SEEN SIBLING-LOVE THAT IS HURTING MARRIAGES
Someone I know did her child dedication after 12 years of seeking a child.
She wore the uniform with her siblings and her husband was deeply hurt about it.
He pleaded with her to wear with him, but she declined.
She shares a deep bond with her 2 sisters.
Another woman I know convinces her husband that his shoes are old (even when they are not), so she can send them to her brother.
They are expensive shoes.
Sadly, her brother is a drunk who is no good and keeps falling into the gutters plus getting into so much trouble.
Despite being a drunkard, her husband worries that his wife loves her brother more than him.
She prefers her drunk brother who is inside gutter to wear those shoes than her husband.
Another woman had her brother employed in her husband's company as a manager.
Brother kept stealing and gathering the money for his japa.
Wife and the entire family were fully aware all the while.
Husband discovered and is deeply hurt.
Dear people of God, we need a full day to discuss sibling love and how we should draw the line so we don't hurt our spouses.
This is a big topic that we all need to buy popcorn, sit down and do justice to it.
What day do we suggest?
What stories have you heard about sibling love that hurts marriages?
#chiomaifeanyieze
Kenneth Chibuikem Nwakanma
At a point in life be you married man or woman, you’d have to choose between your immediate family and the family you’re building.
This is why every social institution that exists from family, to school, to church or mosque, to the office etc, all prepare you for something in the future.
None says you shouldn’t love your family, but there are limits especially when you get married.
Most times, we do things and think that what we do, is the best way to handle things.
Which is why it is important to have a marriage counselor.
It is important to visit one.
If you can’t afford one, then you can either visit your pastor or Imam.
Or look for a neutral person that is married and discuss this with them.
Marriage is a wheel that needs more than enough oil and grease to keep it running, and sometimes, external push by experienced hands who actually mean well for you.
All of these scenarios are wrong.
If a couple are married, no matter what your immediate family has done for you, you’re building life with your spouse and they should be the FIRST ones in the line of decision making with you, not your family.
The family they are doing these for will die and leave them someday and they’ll be left with their spouses.
How would you feel if they began to treat you like the way you treated them early on?
Joy Nobis
I think there should be a School of Marriage, that everyone intending to get married should pass through first, before getting married.
Lots of shit is happening in marriages.
The painful part is that most of the culprits may not even know that what they are doing is wrong, because it is the pattern they saw while growing up.
How can your brother be stealing from your husband, your kid's future, and yours as well and you are comfortable with that?
No! Something is definitely wrong.
Such individuals need a mind shift and also need to break free from emotional blackmail from parents, especially from mothers.
Modupe Ehirim
Chioma Ifeanyi-Eze all the marriage examples that you have shared show people who have a very flawed understanding of marriage.
Sadly, they are not married in the real sense of the word.
They value their siblings and family of origin more than they value their spouse and the families they should be building with the person they married.
To be honest, such patterns of behaviour can be observed by anyone who is self-aware and who pays attention when they interact with other people.
Sadly, many of us do not know how to read people's behaviours and so choose such people as spouses. Many who behave that way also don't see anything wrong with it.
Like a fish who has lived all its life in water cannot see anything wrong in the way it navigates life in the river, so also, so also people who have these behaviours patterns are not aware of how they hurt their spouse, their marriage and family.
Professional counselors, when working with couples like these, use assessments that help the partners to see their "engineering" and become aware of the patterns, how they acquired them and how to break them.
Until I delved into professional marriage counselling, I didn't know how much the patterns in one's family of origin impacts one's life and marriage.
I encourage singles to invest in professional marriage preparation. It is a precious gift you give yourself and your future.
I encourage married people to seek professional support too. There is a lot at stake when stuff like this happens in your marriage. Apart from the unhappily and distress you are experiencing, your children are also internalising unhealthy patterns which will show up when as adults they get married.
Chibuzor Mirian Azubuike
It is sad. I have seen cases where the man put down his brother as next of kin. Some think that a wife is not family.
Samuel Okolie
When Bible talks about a man leaving his father and mother to cleave unto his wife, it wasn't talking to the man only but also to the woman.
This leaving connotes the following...
📌 Leaving physically
As a man, you rent or build your own house where you will start your new family. As a woman, you leave your father's house to go stay with your husband. This doesn't mean abandoning your family.
📌Leaving emotionally
You emotionally detach from your family and transfer to your new family
This doesn't mean you stop loving them but you stop depending on them for emotional support and all of that. If you're mommy's or daddy's girl, you put am end to that.
📌Leaving financially
You don't depend on your parents to take care of you, pay your bills and all of that
📌Leaving mentally
You don't depend or allow your parents or siblings to make decisions for you, like telling you what to do. This doesn't mean you should not seek their opinion once in a while in the area you're not knowledgeable about but it means making your own decisions by yourself without family interference.
There are people married but it's their family members that are running the marriage
When you get married, your family(mother, father, siblings) cease to be your number one priority.
Your immediate family becomes your number one priority, your partner and children become your major priority.
Anybody else comes after that.
But what we have today in many marriage are people who have left their father's house but haven't really left in the real sense of the world.
They still value their family over their spouse and their immediate family.
They're still mummy's and daddy's girl.
It's lack of understanding about the proper structure of family.
In clear terms, after marriage...
📌Your wife comes next after God
📌Your child follows
📌Then anybody else follows
This is the proper structure of the family
Remove sentiments and build your family.
Ayodeji Ademola Agboola
Some of these examples you have shared are not sibling love o. It's called indulgence.
People indulge bad behaviour under the guise of love.
Anywhere there is love, there is also severity. You cannot separate them.
Rilwan Akeyewale
The last scenario has passed sibling love. A wife that aids her own brother to steal from her husband has no business being the man’s wife.
She may think she loves her brother, but what she’s actually doing is allowing her own brother to steal the future of her own kids. She’s playing herself like solitaire.
Ezeogidi Nkechi
I think siblings while growing up have somewhat unbreakable bonds and when they step out in marriage, they tend to still hold that bond and may not know when to draw the line especially when they feel their spouse may not have their best interest at heart. In all, we must learn to prioritize our new found family (our spouses) without neglecting our siblings, it is doable.
Nnenna Nneoma Emmanuella Nwosu
I know someone who loves his siblings more than his family.
He'd rather give all his money to his siblings than give to his wife and children.
I believe that once a person has agreed to be married to another person, they become each others first priorities.
Ha Beeb Baba
Many people don't consider their partners as their family because they aren't related by blood.
Enefiok Peter
There was a marriage that scattered on the day of the wedding! Food was not sufficient. The caterer had preserved some food. The husband wanted it shared to his parents, who had travelled some distance for the wedding. The wife insisted it must be kept for her own parents. That's how free for all fight broke up between the two families!! The truth is that some people never think win win!!!
Niyi Bankz
It's both parties that do it. And it hurts both ways!
Many of us use marriage as a therapy for their trauma.
Emenike Emmanuel
There’s an Igbo adage that fuels this abnormality.
“Ogo bu chi onye.”
It literally means, “Your inlaw is your savior.”
People that have this mindset and go into marriage with the same don’t mind emptying their husband’s bank account to make their family feel happy.
No woman should do this to her spouse because she won’t like the outcome.
Akintomide Kehinde Rolake
Treating their spouses less actually shows that they do not love them.
Women that marry just to be called Mrs are bound to treat their significant other terribly.
Obi Eze
This is why it is sometimes advisable to marry within the same economic bracket...so one partner doesn't see the other as financial relief programme...
Chimerenma Grace
Despite the relationship we have with whoever. It is paramount to deal with people first as humans before another thing
Mazi Buchi
Same with parent love...
We need to understand that once married, PRIMARY FAMILY becomes your husband/wife and kids
Enohor Enyamuke
I love my sibling like mad, but I won’t treat my spouse bad because of them ,never and also there is limit,why will I wear uniform with my sisters and leave my husband. No naa .
Damilola Oyewole-Omole
The lady who had a baby could have worn the same attire with her husband for the dedication then afterwards change into the same as her sister's own as her 2nd attire.
Some of these things simply call for wisdom.
Goodness Okonkwo
This is a serious issue most families are on this table. Some people do not know how to draw the line and balance the love.
Sunday Anani
Some people have an unbalanced understanding of marriage and it is evident in how they manage their primary relationship which is their marriage. A lack of understanding of marriage in the God way causes a lot of unnecessary pain.
The problem is that many are married but lack understanding of what they are into.
Dating Strictly for Marriage
Same goes for Parents, friends, work and other choices, if you know in your heart of heart that your partner has always been kind to you, place them first, you both are one.
Barakat Omowumi Adebayo
These scenarios seems more like betrayal to me than love. Their understanding of marriage is flawed, really flawed and the partner at the receiving end could be in danger in the future.
Akpevwe Lucky
I know a family where the man loves his siblings more than his wife and children. It is terrible
Gift Chinenye Ugochukwu
One should not hurt their spouse in the name of loving their siblings.
Akokotu Bazunu Ededho
I love my siblings and can do anything for them,but there is a limit. I can't treat my spouse bad because of them vis-a-vis. Everything must be done right
Cyprain Nwako
Marriage is a serious institution on it's own. Anyone dreaming of getting married should start with marriage education. In marriage education, you'll learn that your spouse is of the highest priority even before you consider your first family. You will have a lot of surprises when you see so many things you must learn and do in marriage. The issue with most people getting married is that they leave the 'marriage education' and go for marriage. Because of the ignorance, they end up misplacing priorities.
Nneoma Nnaemeka Sambo
Generally immediately you get married your spouse becomes your primary partner in life. Love for spouse and siblings should be different and unique because each relationship serves a different purpose in life. It will be good to find a balance by communicating appropriately and setting boundaries.
What matters most is to love, understand and respect both parties.
Aminat Arinade Ibrahim
All these scenarios are extreme love to me I love moderation in things we do.
Wives should be moderate in their dealings when it comes to family love. Husband should also do same.
Onwubiko Joy Ulunma
While courting ,my hubby was scared that the way I love my family would be a problem in our marriage especially the way i cared about my siblings,he voiced out his fears early and I promised it would never be a problem ,now we are married and it have never been a problem cose I know where to draw the line now .
Onyeka Rita
Harsh words hurts while kind words heals even the most broken hearted.
Ruth Ohe-ha Ekrigwe
This is serious. The 2 have become 1 and easily had their place but to hurt your spouse and even your sef eventually like the last scenario is pure lack of wisdom. You decided to leave and cleave and that's what required of you.
Rofiat Kareem
I love my siblings no doubt, but I have come to realize that my husband comes first In my marriage and I'm glad my siblings are also sensitive and sensible to support that.
Just as I would always come first for him too, so one has to be diplomatic about this and one happy thing is, he is taking steps to build the bond with them
Cynthia Adaeze
Siblings love should not outshine spousal love, my opinion though. Family is everything and siblings should be a unit, still the bond between couples should be priority. 🤷♀️
Opeyemi Akinbode
Hmn...Can the bond between siblings be questioned?
Siblings would always remain as siblings...
I remember one of the prayers my mum prayed while she was lying on her sick bed before she died ...
' Oluwa se awon omo yi ni ore ara won' (God let my children be friendly to one another)..
Okpara Chiamaka Francisca
Some of the act is more than siblings love. How can you seat and your brother or sister steals from your husband and keep quiet like the same company that pays the families bills
FoodDomain Mma
How about cases where husband leaves his family and focus on his siblings with the intention of them helping him later. Only to be backed. A lot of things that destroys the sweetest of marriages
Gloria Dick
Such scenarios can only play out where there is no real love from a spouse or between them. No one will deliberately want to hurt the one he or she loves. Where there's mistrust, such ugly situations would crop up and feaster.
Payton Dorcas Psalmist
It's evident that strong sibling bonds can sometimes create challenges within marriages, Open communication is crucial in these situations.
Couples should openly share their feelings, concerns, and expectations regarding their relationships with siblings. Finding a middle ground that respects both the marital relationship and sibling connections is key.
It's important to prioritize the partner's feelings without dismissing the significance of family bonds. By addressing concerns, setting healthy boundaries, and considering each other's emotions, couples can work together to find solutions that strengthen their marriage while maintaining important sibling relationships.
Chidimma Stephanie Onuchie
There should be limit in everything.
I am a no nonsense person my husband knows what i can do, there is not way i will allow anyone play with hard work of my husband.
I have only one sibling but i can't do any of these.
Bethel Elekwachi
Finding Balance in everything is really important... I don't know, but some of the stuff here isn't even love... it's simply someone aiding another person's bad behaviour at the detriment of someone else.
Precious Chibueze
Anyday is okay Ma. I make great tasting popcorn by the way. So, I can make and supply to everyone for the meeting.
Okiemute Ernest
People need to know when to draw the line when it comes to siblings.
One of the discussion I had with my husband before marriage was how to handle siblings.
I love my siblings and so does my husband loves his.
We both love each other siblings like we love ours but there are boundaries we have laid down never to be crossed by any of our siblings.
If you cross it, you go see the other side of me or him.
I also understand that people forget that they once had discussions and made agreement on certain areas like this, that's why we need to constantly remind ourselves of the consequences whenever we fault our agreement.
It's business!
Ifeanyi Miracle Emmanuella
My sister will always say her husband and kids are her first priority and I can't agree less we should learn to draw the line
Reply
Julie Mayjuless
You see this topic,make I no talk sha.
It’s wisdom and grace we keep asking God for!
Esther Godfrey
I love my siblings, but you see my husband and children they r my top priority.
Chidozie Moses Sunday
What a wow, like seriously, and the irony of it all is that the husbands won't be able to discuss this hurts with people because it will be seen as though you don't want to relate with in-laws, so they bear it all alone and tomorrow you wonder why the marriage isn't working.
Amaka Eze Emeaso
The cases you mentioned,are all extreme ,two becomes one meaning that what ever affects your spouse affects you.the cases you mentioned all all extreme cases couples should know when to draw the line when it comes sibling love affecting their marriage.
Christabel Chinonyerem Adrian Opara
Yes o it's a topic that need to be discussed eziokwu even the husband's that always refuse wife from sending things to her people except his own hmm
Joy Torti
I have seen similar cases. If one is not ready to leave every other and cleave to one, such a person doesn't have the aptitude to marry.
Promise Jucal
Some parents and sibling won't understand what it means to be married, they feel you just live away from them, they don't know where to draw the line while intruding, when you try to create reasonable boundaries, they will conclude that your spouse is controlling you or is making you hate your family.
You must leave and show them that you have left them no matter how much hurt they would feel in order to build your own strong family, but that does not mean you abandon them. Though if you actually love your spouse, you won't make him or her feel insecure
Mercy Okorodus Salawu
Siblings love. Yea I have been hurt constantly with it from my husband till I just freeze and don't care again.
Lizzie Bella
Any suggested day I'm hoping to follow this to the end. This is a serious issue that couples need to understand and make necessary adjustments.
Adeh Jones
There are angles to these conversations.
I'll focus on two angles..
The first is sibling love.
Many have spent over two decades together.
For many who are twins or share relational affinity, their siblings are the once who filled their bucket of acceptance, hence they want to reciprocate.
The other angle is the partner that feeling hurt.
The feeling of hurt may not necessarily be because of the siblings affection, but because it triggers a childhood wound in him or her.
When a partner starts feeling the spouse is preferring his/her partner above him/her, it's deeper.
What should be done is..
The partner feeling hurt should understand the history of bond between his/her partner and sibling.
Blood is blood, and will still be even after marriage.
The partner whose bond with sibling is causing distress to marriage should be aware of the emotional experience of the partner.
The third is for both to treat their marriage as a system, where boundary, structure and extend of sibling involvement should be communicated.
In all, this isn't a helpless situation.
Parties involved needs empathetic guidance.
Oluwayemisi Lamusa Balogun
This is one major factor that needs to be discussed in marriage. Even as an individual we need to know our boundaries in our siblings marriages.
Emem Philip
The sad reality is that most times, these siblings may not be there when the tide turns. It is the same spouse that was despised that is expected to be there
Favour Benjamin
"Leave to cleave" is not gender based, even as a single lady, I'm learning to draw the line even in relationships.
It really helps.
Praise Oluchi
It is good to always set boundaries
Siyaka Esther
It's a societal problem where we prefer people just because " na our own" not minding if "our own " is right or wrong...
When we start prioritizing right and just cause regardless of the circumstances,then this situation can be tackled.
Blessing Olamide
I think there should be priority when we talk about marriage.
I don't hate my siblings, I love them. But I will never put my home in danger at the expense of my siblings.
We should learn to respect the covenant of marriage, so that it can work for us. Marriage is for the two not for the entire family.
Thanks for this mama
Kanu Ifeoma Chineze
It takes maturity to handle this case.
Sibling, mother, father, children, partner and all are all valuable Buh each should have their place in one’s life.
I can’t place any above the other Buh they take priorities based on situation.
I think the problem is fighting to value them above each other, Buh none is above neither none is more important, they all have their place.
Like I said, each take priority based on situation of things at each moment and situation.
Marriage is beautiful
Family is as well.
Their is a time you have to tell your partner to step back and there is a time you have to tell your family too, so knowing when is paramount.
Chinelo Obinwa
I know of a man who let's his elder brother decide what happens in his home (even the gifts given to the wife by her family for edu-ulo, it was the elder brother that saying what would happen to them until the wife said enough is enough) . He would drop everything his is doing to answer to his family calls but won't do same for his wife and children. Everyone from his family knows what happens in his home, they would talk down on the wife and he wouldn't see anything wrong until the wife stood up for herself and setting boundaries she became a bad wife.
Florence Oforma Ajoku
In all things,wisdom is profitable to direct. Two becomes one doesn't mean to abandon one's family but then boundaries have to be established
Modupe Adedeji
The reason someone will love a sibling more than the spouse is that there was never any love for the partner.
You can't love your spouse same way as a sibling. There should be a balance
Ibe Samuels
People are already discussing the matter. Guys she was asking for a date to discuss it o!! This one na real hot topic.
Ihyembe Gail Shidoo
I have seen a bride that wore uniform with her mum on her traditional marriage day and even wanted to do same on her wedding day with her reception gown oga no gree that had to sew emergency gown for her
Nneoma Ifeanyi-Ossai
Being the first born of my family, I have a strong bond with my sisters.
But as a married lady now, I won't allow them to come between my husband and I.
One needs wisdom to handle family issues.
Amaka Joy Oforji
I know of a family that told his wife to forget her family and focus on his family ie him and his siblings. She has to help and build his elder brother's family before anything because his elder brother has suffered or else she will be termed a bad woman to his family
Ifeoma Ezeka
This is a sad reality and many didn't envisage such happening in their homes.
All these are what should be deliberated upon during courtship.
Sadly, now in marriage wisdom calls in order to correct such mindset
Chukwu Sandra
Anybody that knows me ,knows I love my siblings very well because my mother died very early. I have always been there for them and being a mother to them at that early age made me have this strong love for them . But I can never love any of them more than my husband. My bible made me to understand that we are one , any other person including my siblings are a different people.
Smart Entrepreneurs Niche
Hmmmm, the last scenario though makes me question if truly the woman loves the husband because how do you explain it that your brother is stealing from your purse and you are comfortable?
Patrick C. Eleazar
. . .but when time comes to take real life-changing actions for such siblings, they'll be nowhere to be seen!
"A flawed understanding of marriage", as someone commented.
Peace Sampson Diary
But if it is the man that did all these things or prefer his siblings to his wife. Fire and brimstone will born down the house.
This my gender sef, needs to apply wisdom when it's comes to immediate family and extended family love.
For me oo, the moment you're married your spouse becomes your immediate family while your siblings becomes your extended family.
Please correct me if I'm wrong🤔
Possible Kuh
Hmmmm it's very funny and scary how people who are either married or planning to someday already carry a mindset of a spouse deciding to walk out one day
Love for family and our spouse are sure different
Your husband become your second priority after God and then your children
Ijeoma Ogbonna
I will not even let my siblings hurt a man I am dating talk less of my husband.
Mansi Patience
Sibling love.
If you love wahala
If you ha.te wahala
I think everything should be done in moderation.
Love should be shared appropriately else it becomes a problem
Teko Fisayomi
Well excess of everything is bad.Even when love is in excess,it becomes something else.
Hence, setting boundaries and making the parties involved understand their place is very important.
Blessing Ndu Ability
I heard of one who testified that his marriage almost ended because he felt his wife was not accommodating to his brothers.
These brothers had always visited him right from when he was single, get into his kitchen and eat whatever they find there.
They shared clothes as guys and usually visited him whenever they wanted without prior notice.
His wife suggested that he makes them understand that he is now married and some things like bumping into her kitchen and emptying her pot, picking up the shirts she washes and irons for her husband and returning them dirty etc would have to stop.
Hunku said mbanu!, that his wife wanted to come in between him and his siblings.
He went and reported her to the clergyman who joined them and the man rebuked him! 😂 And gave him talks that left him speechless 🤣.
Hunku told this story on the occasion of his 18th wedding anniversary and warned young people not to make same mistake.
datpreciousgerl
Of a truth sibling love is really destroying marriages and homes. In my area here I know of three different families are complaining that whenever their husbands siblings are around their attitude towards them as wives would change. Their husbands would start seeing their wives as strangers and make their siblings to feel like their main family. .. omo the matter long oo. Am tired of typing abeg
Judy Amange
This happens all the time, all you'd be hearing is their siblings have been there for them while their spouse is some stranger they just met.
Those people I feel are not ready for marriage, it would be best they remain single instead of hurting someone.
Balancing the love you give to the family you come from and the one you're creating is key
Mercy Writes
Marriages thrive when both partners are ready to prioritize each other. Not even family members or kids should come in between to the extent of one feeling love-starved or neglected.
One partner should not make decisions that compromise the respect, peace, and happiness of the other partner.
Nwokobia Theo
Well done madam. You are such a blessing.
On the topic u raised, I think it is not in all cases that siblings hurt marriages. I know of siblings that paid their brother Inlaw's house rent. There are others that bank rolled brother in laws japa projects. So individual peculiarities is what is at play in this matter.
Ezurike Ifeyinwa Balim's
Siblings love is a good thing.
The problem here is marrying senseless people. You don't loose your sense of reasoning because of love.
Bamito frozen chicken
There’s always this strong bonds that comes with siblings. I think it is more with the women folks.
That’s why I do get surprised that men get upset when they deliver only female children… if only they could see the beauty in female children when they get older!
Adaugo Onuegbu Nkwocha
We all love our siblings but totally putting your sibling/s first before your spouse is outright disrespect and disregard..
The woman that left her husband to wear ashoebi with her sisters has no atom of respect for her husband.
It's only a disrespectful spouse that will openly choose his or her sibling over the spouse.
And in most cases the siblings and their family will also be looking down on the affected spouse.
It happens every day.
All these can be corrected at the beginning of the marriage but most people leave things to chance until it's beyond repair.
See finish has no cure!!!
Chidi Obasi
I suggest we treat it on Saturday morning,,I have person experience I will like to share and even seek opinion from others,,it really hurting me seriously.
Oyim Veronica
Honestly this is affecting a lot of families
Emeonye Precious Chioma
Just put vice versa on this post, abeg. Last year, before I got married, someone recommended a man to me for marriage, I made a little investigation about him, found out he was married before, asked him about it, he confirmed my findings, inquired what caused the separation abi divorce, he told me many things about the mother inlaw not even the wife🤣🤣. I no be pikin na, so asked further, only to find out that he was using the wife as a glorified maid. The lady was managing his business while supervises her; he comes to see the inflow of money in the shop anyday he didn't go to his work and after work everyday he goes to the shop collects all the money made for the day and head to the bank. On the other hand, he gives his brother his cheque book and ATM cards to hold for him while the wife in turn will start begging him money just to do her hair.
Nkemjika Joy
I know of a family where the man listens to his siblings and mum than his wife, he also allows his family to talk badly to his wife. It's so terrible
People have failed to understand that there are limit to this things
Chika Jovita Eze
This is an important topic, I can't wait to air my view on this!
Ojo Saidat Abiola
If you can't balance the equation, remain with your family forever.It happens both ways ..
Goodhead Faith
I have seen one that said his wife is not his relative and would rather give to his siblings than give to her or put any document in her name.
It is well.
Indeed this is a topic that needs popcorn and more than 1 day to discuss it properly
Ogochukwu Nwankwo Ohiri
I love my brothers so dearly, I can do alot for them but I don't ever let it have negative interference with my marriage. They live and respect my husband so much too. There are always ways to create balance with these things and live happily ever after as one big family.
Isijola Honnie-d Ololade
Establish boundaries from the start. My siblings and I love each other so much but we respect boundaries to the T.
Anyanwu C. Chinonso
The very day my eldest brother reminded me that he's not my dad, I felt real bad, but later understood him, and got a clearer picture of what a FAMILY is.
This happened years back.
Truth is, we as a people need to be intentional about this thing called marriage, just like our schooling/education. Hence, a [constant] need for PRE/POST knowledge on how best to navigate it's route.
But even without being told, a layman knows that in a family; you, your spouse and kids come first!
Parents need to also stop the emotional blackmail!
Occasionally, they ought to upgrade their knowledge too as knowledge undergoes transformation across generations.
In a nutshell, in the scenarios above, the women need to have a review of what a family is.
Emotions are good but can often be extremely dangerous.
They should have BOUNDARIES!
Seiminiyifa Sarah Onyinpreye
I have heard so many stories and actually I will love to be part of the discussion anytime ,I can even make popcorn for everyone
I know a married woman that carried her siblings on the head ever since she got married and it ended in tear for her
Husband couldn't bear it anymore and has left
Esther Chisom Amadi
We are 4 in number and our siblings love is 💪 our spouses know this, but we don't allow it come into our individual families. I think maturity and mindset have a big role to play here.
Jeffrey Pleroma Akhuetie
This is just too sad. A lot is really happening in marriages. Thanks for always using your platform to discuss issues that are vital to building healthy marriages ( families ).
Carolyn Tom
I still prefer to see this than see siblings hate on each other bitterly, but then, there should be balance
Adelusola Bukola
Despite the love and bond I share with my brother's we understand that are boundaries and I would treatment everyone accordingly.
Either my siblings, children or a lover
Am aware of the health way to distribute the love.
Ijeoma Amara
May God grant every married person a clear understanding of the purpose of marriage so that we will stop abusing the institution 🙏
Iyadi-okoh Marian Ifirinwa
My father so love me, but I pray not to be line with his siblings because I know he would stand for them.
I see that pure love, but I would have love him to separate both love and never put them in line.
He chose to send my anty his younger sist to school instead of my mum.
Mum is cashing out in millions, but still feels hurts by that.
I am happy my husband would not choose his family over our own family.
Aigbomian Charles Ehime
Hurt is an understatement ma'm! The fake-love attitude has actually destroyed more marriages than so called "financial" issues, and it' very common with a certain people.
#aigbomiancharlesehime
Uche Nelson
Some women got married because of the well being of their parents family. The husband is just a means to take care of their siblings and the entire family
Augustine Okafor
My wife's siblings can not be part of my Business no matter their level of professionalism.
Men should learn how to set standard early in their marriage to avoid tragic stories.
Odunayo Tijani
In as much as I love my siblings I won't use that to hurt my spouse, because we are one and he will always come first.
Everything must be done right
Ebele Jeanie
No, I do not support when my siblings are wrong, despite that we are always there for each other, we will never paint black white just because we are siblings.Mba
Peace Amara
Some men maltreat their wives that make them click to their family.
Ezekekwu Eberechukwu
Any man that think a woman will love him more than her siblings ,vice visa , is joking ,because he or she has known them for a long while before marriage set in.
The only solution to this ,is to balance the love.
Isioma Okoh
This one na one oh...
When you're married eh...Your siblings become secondary
That doesn't mean you shouldn't care about them but there should be boundaries to some things...
Remember that you can't marry your siblings oh
Anne Oghoshe Anamuehan
Men also do it, choosing their siblings over their wives. It boils down to the perception of both people in the marriage about what marriage is and how intentional they are about learning and growing together as a couple. The kind of marriage their parents also have and how their parents treat their inlaws shape some people as well. Sha don't stop, growing, learning, unlearning, and developing every area of your life as individuals first of all. Then as a couple together.
Boaz Laz Okenwa
If you love your sibling that much you need not marry. Just live with them forever
Sylvia Gerald
Well, siblings love dey sweet especially if you guys shared that bond before marriage. Regardless,there should be a balance in everything!! Just like one telling her husband to choose between her and the mom 😁.
Again,if the husband/ wife is a good person,there are things one wouldn't do in the name of siblings love(using the last scene).
Bad spouse na key reasons to certain things
Oluwakemi Sojinu
And, most of these stem from faulty family backgrounds and foundations.
Parents, let's wake up to our responsibilities.
Ejike Goodluck
Somethings have limits and these are some of those things
Allowing your siblings to be intruding and interfering in ones marriage is uncalled for
Trim with Mummy D
I love my siblings so much but I don't allow them hurt my marriage nor ever dream of hurting my spouse, abeg oo,. I don't give any member of my family to do "see finish ", for my King, not even my mum. When it comes to boundaries, my late father taught me how to draw boundaries from childhood.
Hill Lilian
Very very true! I know of a friend's brother that refused to assist his sister just because he believes she loves her hubby more. When she needs his assistance,he will refer to her hubby. It's just too bad.
Christine Vidal-Wachuku
Siblings come first before a spouse. Afterall, marriage can end but your spouse will never abandon you.
These are the type of conversations most hear while growing.
Imagine hearing a wrong concept of marriage for over 20 or 30years before marriage.
It becomes a part of our DNA carried into marriage.
If the spouse don't have the same mindset, then this other person's trauma becomes the stage for the drama you narrated in your post.
The only solution is for people to be open to professional pre marriage counseling with the goal of intentionally letting go of the crap they have been fed about marriage. Marriage, just like Home Economics, should be introduced as a subject in schools. To at least lay a proper foundation.
The focus should be on building a marriage based on the creator's rules.
At times, counseling offered by churches don't address these deeper issues.
"Amaka, submit to your husband. Cook well for him, respect and obey him."
"Emeka, take care of your wife. Feed her well."
Finish! Their focus is on preconceived spouse roles.
And then, most singles don't see the need to seek outside professional pre mairital counsel. They don't understand that their upbringing has a massive effect on their spouse and marriage. Their spouse is eventually damaged from their trauma and the marriage limps or end in the ditch of divorce.
There is a need for young people to be taught the right concept of marriage.
But the question is how willing are most people to unlearn and relearn.
To accept that all they have been taught for yeaaars would actually ruin their marriage not build it.
For the married, what are you passing on to your children about marriage? Parents, are you telling your children they must pass all their spouses tell them to do by you for approval? You or their 'loving' siblings are the comptroller general of their marriage? We have taught our children there's never a leaving and a cleaving. Each must maintain their identity...water and oil situation.
Change starts with each of us but we need to be intentional about it.
How open are we to it?
Bukola Obuchi Ajiboye
I read some stories, leaves me baffled. How strong is this sibling love that hierarchy of positioning is ignored. Wearing the same dress with your siblings on your childs name day? How? Then the wife who turned a blind eye to allow her brother steal from her husbands company blind, what was that supposed to achieve?
Do some know why they married or it was a means to step up?
Ukaigwe Be Glad
I still wonder why a wife, will do much to her husband, there are ways to help siblings with pulling them down or hurting their feelings
You forget, you
Have a family of your own.
Onyedika Emmanuel Nwankwo
Your brother is 40+ not married, He's training your kids and you're comfortable with it
Peculiar Samuels
This is self-sabotage. The "two shall become one..."
Chisom Rosy
This is a serious issue that we have to make justice too.
Allowing your brother to steal the future of your kids is just too much
Feyikemi Ogunbiyi
I'm hearing all these for the first time. There are boundaries that must be respected in marriage, reason why we can't marry our siblings regardless of the bond.
I won't even support any sibling stealing and attributing it to love in any way.
Libby's Beddings and interior decoration
One thing I fear in marriage
Hope my husband won't choose his siblings over me
Alaedu Chioma Ken
A man has been frequentling my shop to purchase some household needs and sometimes he made transfer and sent his wife to come and carry those stuff,some times he sent more than the amount he bought and ask i give the wife some cash and paid for the services. I now asked him why is he not transfering those money in the wife account instead of the long process and he said him giving his wife huge amount for household that the wife use to divide the money and send to her families hence he stopped.
Ifeoma Nnajike Osita
Some Men put their siblings first before their wife and children.
This is really terrible!!
Esther Ochanya Agada
I know of a man who died a few months ago. Due to the intimate relationship he had with his siblings and how he involved them in his life despite he was married with children, his siblings are confiscating his properties not minding that their late brother left wife and children behind.
Mistakes many people make.
I'm very much ready to prioritize my husband and set a clear boundary between my husband and siblings. If I don't think a man will treat me the same way, I won't marry him.
Gloria Kasi Arinze
I’d always love to think, if the tables in these scenarios were turned and these women had their husbands treating them this way, how will they handle it?
Would you praise it?
Would you think he’s being insensitive?
A husband reached out to me couple of time to state that his wife complains of toothache.
Then, I was doing freebie consultations and so I took out time explaining to him what to do for her but he ended the chat with; “it’s not paining her right now, when the pain starts, I will let you know.”
I was disappointed.
This is the woman you wrote that has been in dire pain for months. Your wife, your lover.
There I was telling you to bring her immediately to the clinic so the pain can be managed for her to be free.
Toothache can be mad oo.
Most women even say it’s more painful than labor pain. That is the exact pain you are saying; “let’s wait until it starts paining her?”
Ah!
I now do N10,000 online consultation for any professional dental care advice, if you remember you paid, you’ll act more.
Summarily, dear friends please do to others what you’d love to be done to you.
Kate Chinagorom Eze
This can only be done and accepted when it comes from a woman but if a Man ever thinks of it, the same war he will face in that house won't finish in years
For me, my husband comes first before any siblings and they know
I can never place them above him even my parents will remind me to attend to my husband's needs first before theirs
May we never Marry our enemy in disguise
Chimaramma
The last scenario is not love again seriously, I may tag it foolishness.
Allowing her sibling to steal from her husband is the same as destroying her kid's future through her brother.
Unknowingly though.
To her, she may think she loves her brother so much but, that's not love. For her family to know about it and keep quiet means they don't truly love her. If they do love, they will not help her destroy her kids' future.
Come on... Whatever the husband is building is for the future of her kids, allowing her brother to steal from it because whatever siblings love is foolishness.
Ginika Jacobs
I don’t think this is sibling love, l think it is the burden that some parents put on siblings to care for their siblings even when it is not convenient thereby enabling bad behavior
Lovina Sunshine Nicholas
It's really sad because I've seen a family that the wife rendered koboless because she keeps stealing from the family business to give to her brothers all the time and they squander it and come back for more.
When the business crashed, they abandoned her and her family.
I love my siblings to a fault but I'm instilling values and good morals and also building them to be financially independent now so that when I get married they won't be a burden or nuisance to my future family.
And also the wife's parents also has a lot to do too.
Let's pick any day... As I would also love to learn more how to draw the line to avoid hurting my future hubby cos of my siblings and also not to hurt my siblings too bc of my hubby.
Maureen Ebiotubo Amakubukuro
I feel so hurt for their spouse, like this is very hurtful... i don't consider it to be love but lack of wisdom.
Nwaugo Nana
Eeehen, Igbo men, especially Anambra men love their siblings and their mother more than their wives and children.
Anambra men, if I lie, talk am here!!
Nyaknoabasi Edet
Even with a broader orientation about marriage and spousal recognition, some people will still be on the other divide. Pray not to marry a man who has senior sisters, worst be it "a last born or what we call mummy's boy", else, you are doomed in the marriage.
Abigail Ayanime Iniobong Odiong
And the two shall become one.
In marriage, after God, comes your spouse not even your children.
So loving others more than you love your spouse is a NO!! NO!!
Sometimes you need to ask yourself if the same people you go a thousand miles for will even take a step for you if the tables were turned.
Wisdom is profitable to direct.
Favour Uchendu
Hmmm!
We better preach love than war among siblings. But there are boundaries for everything, unfortunately, some people don't talk about it and they don't practice it at home or teach children as they grow.
That is why some siblings even sleep with each other...
Love is not stupid, selfish, and senseless, according to what I know in 1 Corinthians 13.
That might not be love as you described, Look deep.
I care for my siblings and help if I can, but not to the detriment of my home which is my priority.
Nkeiruka P. Ugwueze
People who do this are sick and need help.
We should know how and when to take good decision.
Our spouse remains our priority first. Every other is secondary.
Oluchi Madu
The root of this issue boils down to not having a good understanding of what marriage is.
Myles Munroe of the Blessed Memory said that if the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable.
Many people embark on marital journey without having a good understanding of the word marriage and its purpose.
Some even see their spouses as outsiders.
Matthew Adediji
Just as you've been preaching, I also repeat.
"Marriage is two of you against the World".
Once it's looking like one person against the world or the other bringing the world in between them, the foundation will Fall
Ifeyinwa Florence Chime
Interesting big topic indeed .. many stories will be shared and some deep-seated hurt will resurface. Truth be told, spouses are bound to be one and each spouse is to recognize and embrace that unique oneness so that "others" whether siblings or parents or friends do not bring disunity to that oneness ..
Also some marriages do not have the foundation of love and trust so other issues arise 😭 that ordinary phone calls with sisters or brothers will bring about quarrels and malice
Favour Akuewulu
This is sibling conspiracy not love abegii.
True Love can never delight hurting another
Blessing Oyeledun
It starts from seeing your spouse as your first family the moment you're married.
Many people that show "unreasonable" sibling love often have the mentality that if anything goes wrong in their marriage, it is their sibling they'll run to.
That you're married doesn't mean you have to turn your back completely at your siblings.
There's something called balancing, you have to balance the love.
How would you feel if your spouse puts his/her sibling ahead of you?
It is always easy for women to quote "the man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one", but when the table turns it's a different story.
Ruth Somachi Somacci
A nuclear family is made up of: Father,mother and children. That's an immediate family that's built after marriage
Until people start to understand what marriage is all about, only then will peace begin to rain.
Once you are married a new generation starts and they become your immediate family. They become your top priority.
My husband and children come first. I have siblings yes but they no longer top the radar.
Children from my loins top .my husband is topmost. He's my next of kin.
He's my backbone and I don't and will never trade him for anything.
No... My family come first.
Siblings and parents will be considered after my immediate family.
This is my own ideology and I love it that way.
Adenoye Joy
To me that is not the true definition of love. Love is a virtue that encompasses other virtues, it doesn't display vices like stealing. That's why God is love 🤷.
The lady stealing with her brother is actually a thief disguised as a wife. The entire family made her marry the man for the sole purpose of enriching themselves.
Many people have a warped view of marriage that's the reason for all these attitude. How can you support a drunk because he's your brother?🤷
I think some people can't simply differentiate what is right from wrong, what is a virtue or a vice because of the kind of family upbringing they had.
Mbah Anthonia Ibe
My former boss sent his wife away one time because of ordinary cousin oooooooo; he later told me that's his weakness as he doesn't joke with his siblings even when it's costing him.
Okemefuna Elizabeth
This happens when there was no leaving and cleaving like the Bible rightly prescribed .
Until we understand and teach about marriage God's way, people will keep behaving terribly in marriage.
It is well
Udeelight foods
Why will someone prefer thier siblings to thier spouse, is wrong na. Except the person doesn't understand the mystery of oneness in marriage, two becomes one after marriage, whatever you do to your spouse, you do it to self too.
The woman that allowed someone rob her husband's business doesn't realize she's been taken advantage of by the sibling, such a family is a threat to the man
Nenye Blessing
Only child like me.
We have no siblings. Nah we go marry first born wey gather full house siblings
And I can say, yeah sometimes their decision hurts when you're out aside so they can do a family thing.
Either way, I'm happy I've got spiritual friends (believers in Christ), and customers turned friends.
Gladys Godson
That's too far.
Anything that goes extreme becomes a sin.
Knowing when to draw the line is important.
Ogochukwu Okolocha
Asides from this beautiful scenerios, I have heard of some women who extort their husbands by inflating children school fees and some other household expenses only to give the money to their family members because to them their family is everything.
It's a very unfortunate situation that some men have found themselves but the way out of it is what I don't know.
Perhaps, we need to organize a seminar for such women but the way in is what I do know how to avoid and I often would say
Whom to marry is the biggest financial decision anyone can ever make. Your marriage will either make you or mar you and so you cannot be complacent in checking out how she/he behaves not just with family members but in many other areas beyond religion and tribe.
#moneylessons
Uchechukwu Nwalu David
A friend years when I was working in Ebonyi state, the husband's family asks her to leave that they want to do family meeting..
All the wives married into that family aren't involved in any of their meetings cause they're considered none family members o...
Oluwanbe Chinyere Gift
A man will leave his family and be joined to be one.
Meaning any other persons your siblings etc have no business with your new family ur husband
You can take advice but be careful and watchfull
Good morning
Prince Godfrey
Some people still value their father/mother/siblings than their parents. And it shows far before marriage.
While they may have their reasons, some singles thinks that only men like their father (or women like their mothers) can be married to them.
A lady once told me that her mother will have the final say on whom she gets married to, and her opinions will enjoy a choice position in their home.
We all have heard stories of mothers who stopped the marriages of their sons simply because they didn't like the girl.
These things do not start in marriage. They flash during dating/courtship.
When you see that you wife or husband values their relations more than you, be aware that you are NOT in a marriage.
These are some of the things to discuss before marriage, but shawarma and suya no go allow una!
Princess Maurice
These people have a wrong understanding of marriage
The Bible said "A man will leave his mother and father and cleave to the wife", and they shall become one.
Your spouse comes first, and it's not negotiable.
When people have a fla.wed understanding of marriage from the beginning, the resultant effect is always mis.pl.aced priorities.
You share such love with your siblings because your father and mother put each other first, if not, you wouldn't have shared such bond with your siblings.
YOUR SPOUSE COMES FIRST!!
If you don't understand or accept this, then please stay alone, so you don't hurt people.
Moreover what is "sibling love" in employing your brother to come ro.b your husband? What manner of wi.cke.dne.ss is that?
Hadiza Alikali
It is important we balance our relationship give each party their rights and avoid hurting each other.
Ifyomio Agbasimelo Asiegbu Ify
A man shall leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. Same goes to the wife.
Many people don't understand this union called marriage.
I always tell anybody that cares to listen that it's you and your husband or wife against the world not you and the world against your husband or wife.
This is why so many couples are still strangers to each other even after the kids are grown and out of the house because they didn't build that friendship from day one.
Any of my siblings that talk nonsense about my husband go collect (they no fit self). Talk more of an outside. Nwanne back hand go land for your face na oburu so gi na apu ara.
Zainab Okedara
The change can begin between you and I(everyone reading this post).
If as a female, I give my brothers space as soon as they get married, I've 'borrowed' them sense even if confusion isn't making them set things right in their home(or better put, they aren't man enough)
If as a mother, I begin to INTENTIONALLY teach my sons as soon as they become teenagers the love and respect for their wives is different from that of a mother, they'll grow to have a large heart, enough to accommodate their wives and I SEPARATELY... Sometimes as relatives, the support spouses need from us is making decisions easier for them to make. We should try to respect their boundary.
All these occurrences have been happening before we were born and if we don't hold the bull by its horn, our daughters and sons will have their own share of it.
Sometimes, I cannot but wonder how a mother would be "competing" for love and attention with her daughter in law. Shouldn't she be happy her son is finding peace? As for siblings, all I see they need is a beautiful/ happy home that'd keep them busy from intruiding in their brother/sister's home.
All in all, partners have to draw healthy boundaries to their immediate families first, even before extended family members and friends
Deltapikin
My brother baby mama, packed all the plates, pot, bed sheets, all my brother clothes to her family without informing him. Now her eyes don clear she's begging to come back
Somiefluffycakesandpastries
I love my siblings and love my husband also. Am in between. Thank God they're responsible, none is making me to choose.
God bless them all.
Blessing Obasi
God bless you mama got the wisdom you dish out in this space. I've learnt alot from you and still learning every day. May this well of wisdom never run dry.
Abejide Victoria Oyinlola
In this part of the world that, your wife is not your blood and family??? Anty Chi, you go explain tire because theirs no evidence.
The wicked knows he/she's wicked they are just looking for who to tell them they are wicked.
We are our in-laws, we are the brothers, we are the sisters we are the family.
Prince Nathaniel O. Omaka
My take is this: love is a trap for any man who doesn't prepare for the worst. Men will always be at the receiving end in such matters. So just try to have money as a man and tolerate rubbish very less.
As a man, have money. Have money. Get small money and enjoy yasef. Be objective in matters of importance. If your spouse controls you to always put his/her family members first, omor na fuck up.
Uniqgwen fashion world
I posted something about husbands not knowing when to draw the line between their mom and their wives in my personal page. Come and see men attacking me. Alot of people don't know the full meaning of marriage. It's between u and Ur mate. Know where Ur siblings falls in ,in the family tree.
Isobirim Tamunobaraboye
People need to understand that MARRIAGE is a Covenant that God honours above sibling love. Until then, they'll keep doing the wrong thing and expecting the Covenant blessings.
When it doesn't work for them, they say, 'Marriage na scam' or 'church na scam'!
My siblings and I love ourselves very much, but we also understand the Marriage Covenant and everyone knows their boundaries. No such interferences at all.
Happiness Ijeoma Ikechukwu
Ma'am Chioma lets check Date and choose a National public holiday ..maybe 1st Oct that's close by is good to set aside and discuss this topic.
It's killing some marriages and the earliest one help tackle this,the Best
Angel Cookey
This menace happens a lot. A lot of people carries their family of birth so highly that it affects the family they are building.
Like I always tell a lot of people, marriage is a union that detaches you from your family of birth and attaches you to whom you are married to.
This doesn't mean you shouldn't still love and care for your siblings but you should understand that your spouse is and should remain your topmost priority.
Okpara Chinwe
That's how he keep sending money to them until he lost his Job, Now his two eyes are open, and hunger is dealing with him. if he called them on phone they will tell him they're managing there is no money😳
I remember one night he told me that blood is thicker than water 😆 Abobi where are your blood relations now? They have left him behind...........
Elvis David
I never marry yet oooo.
But I the always clear everybody say even as I be first child, if my wife and kids never chop no reason am say I go remember you ooo.
Na when them done chop ehh by then I fit drop some for you papa, mama, and siblings 🙌
My immediate family is my first priority 💙🙌
I no fit kill myself.
Stephany Njideka Okoye
There's no hurt in love
It's deceit that hurts
Even from the few instances you gave here, it's not love but deceit: one decieves her husband so she can give out his shoes, the other employed her brother and saw him stealing still she didn't do anything,
These are not even what sibling love stands for.
These are wicked wife's kowai
Fortune Soby
Leaving your family to become one with another is something one must consciously do....it is not a day decision, it needs deliberate efforts.
Many are guilty of this act....
The tendency to feel that ones family is better is always there.....
It takes deep understanding and maturity in mind to understand that just as your parents built theirs, you are on the journey of doing better ie working together with your partner as one
Chiamaka Goodness
Hmm this reminds me of what happened before my son dedication, two of my sister in-law got upset just because I gave a suggestion last last I still went to meet the senior sister after the dedication to sort out things with her and know why she was upset, you won't believe what she told me.
She said she loves her brother very much that even before he got married to me she already kept someone for him to marry but unfortunately the brother told her 2 weeks to the traditional marriage date that his getting married and she had no choice.
And that whatever she says will stand in her family that will be.
I smiled and left uptill today I never visited her again.
Funny enough do you know her husband doesn't like her own siblings.
Do you know most of this siblings who behaves like this loves their husband more than their brothers, but won't allow their brother to love their wife same way.
All I know is that I can never give her that chance to control my marriage.
Even when I and hubby attended marriage class, one of the topic treated there was how to treat extended family.
No body said you should hate your siblings but set boundaries, most marriages today are been controlled by their spouse family which is very bad.
The woman should have worn same dress with her husband not her siblings.
This doesn't make sense nah, it makes your spouse feel unloved, not valued and so on.
Very bad
Ogoalaji Ebuka Alpha
These stories are so pathetic.
Inasmuch as I love my siblings no doubt, but I can't trade the happiness of my wife. This is well known to my siblings.
And where I need to show them my love, my wife knows is non negotiable and she gives her full support
Spouses should come to that point of setting boundaries in the family. If you could love your siblings more than your spouse, why marry that person.
It's heart wrecking to see your spouse give more love or choose to favour her sibling over her spouse.
This thing called love is so deep. But we get to trade with caution to avoid hurting your partner.
Zionson Ebuka
Once you are married you now have 2 families
Family A is the new family just created
Family B is the extended family
Family A should be put into considerations before family B
Bible says you will leave your family B to cleave to family A.. Leaving to cleaving in every way... It's always common for ladies to abuse this order
Obianuju Okechukwu
This conversation ehn!!! We aren't even ready for it yet.
It's a serious issue especially among first borns. They put their immediate family's wellbeing aside just to make sure their siblings are happy.
I might be wrong, but I think it's a predominant thing among we Igbos.
Joshua Chukudi
It's not advisable at all.
The moment you get married,your attachment to your siblings reduces.
Personally,I won't tolerate such as a married man.
Bammy Interiors
U re full of wisdom dis woman.....if u were not a certified accountant,u could have bin a great woman of God
Uchechukwu Benjamin
Nawaoo well as for me siblings relationships shouldn't come at the expense of a marriage. Boundaries are vital to maintaining a healthy marriage.
Hara Mshelia
You know sometimes it’s hard to understand love between siblings or even their parents especially when they constantly chose their siblings over their spouse all the time or only do what favours their siblings without considering their spouse.
If you are the partner who is hurt because of siblings love, you need great wisdom because Omo, it can be interpreted as you want to separate them from their brother or their sister.
MJ'S CAKES and MORE
Siblings love....hmmmm. If I talk about this topic, you people will just start crying. Let me just face front, because monitoring spirits could be here!
Screenshoters association of Nigeria are everywhere 😏
Chinasa Juliet
Marriage is for 2 people who are matured mentally and psychologically. Siblings love should be handled sensibly.
Nobody says you shouldn't love your family but please do that with sense.
Sampson Ogulu
Have you asked why it is very much easier for wife's people to stay with most couple than the husband's siblings?
My wife have a habit of always allowing her elder sister to take away our only son for every long holidays immediately schools closed.
I just get hurt about it and decide to bear with it
Too much love for your siblings than your spouse is just too bad. Chioma Ifeanyi-Eze Modupe Ehirim this topic is hot!
Chinonye Alago Ilochi
It hurts and it's both ways
It's worth discussing. I suggest on a Saturday or Public Holiday.
Marriages are collapsing for this reason and no one is talking about it
Eze Chinwendu Vivian-Aniunoh
It's sad, I can't love my siblings more than I love my own family. To the extend of milking the husband dry using my siblings
Fancy Lingerie Stores
Which kind sibling love be that? People don't even think, giving your husband shoe to a drunkard and puting another as manager lol!! They are sick, this women married their husbands for their family gain, a shitty mind set.
If they were properly trained to be independence and working for what and where they want to be, they won't have time to think someone must be responsible for their stupid desire.
This is just sad 😢 don't hurt people like this
vivafortunang
Once you are married, you primary and nuclear family become yohr husband and children.
It is wrong on all accounts to support any form of evil done to your spouse irrespective of who did it.
Your spouse's opinions and choices should always be a determining factor in whatever decisions you make.
Chigozie Amadi
What you've shared sheds light on the complexities of sibling relationships and how they can impact marriages.
While sibling bonds are important, I believe a balance needs to be struck when they start causing discord in marital relationships.
Spouses ought to communicate openly about their feelings and concerns, establishing boundaries that respect and prioritize the marriage without undermining sibling connections.
A discussion on this topic will definitely give valuable insights into these intricate situations and help to maintain healthy, harmonious relationships.
I suggest we have this conversation on a Saturday morning, this weekend.
Chacha Avong
For me,we all have families and later got married, there should be understanding between couple and the families we came from, there should be boundaries for my siblings and there should also be boundaries from me as a wife and my spouse, since we are now married,we need to love our new found family and the family we left behind,we need to be careful not to hurt our spouses and our biological families,if we can use wisdom,it will be smooth,
I know of a neighbor that,wen they got married, from his biological brothers, to his towns people,came from the village and he singlehandedly trained them in school but he didn't allow anybody from the wife's side to come n she was okay
Her biological sister that came was enrolled in school roughly cause,it's like no school but she was more of a house help, doing everything, even washing her sister's pants not just her children,she treated her like a piece of trash,it's even the husband that sometimes talk to her and feels bad, she was okay, the sister got tired n got pregnant for someone just to leave the house n presently,her story is something else n it seems she wanted it that way
On d other hand, most of the husband's siblings finished their school,got jobs with state government,are working now n some are also married to educated spouses
After like about 15years of marriage,she d wife started feeling somehow n I had to fan flame on her head to see how she neglected her biological family, where she came from,she now told me how one of her uncles had told her that, just like Esther in d Bible,her uncle Mordacai said, the fact that she is in d palace,does not mean she should forget her people, maybe God took her there for a reason
I said u see,u supported ur husband to achieve all these,y didn't u ask for his support to also achieve good results for your family n people from ur village since u r in d position, she said she didn't think of it,
she was just thinking of her new found family
I said it's not bad,at least strick a balance,I talked n talked, now she has trained her only brother's child through NCE n will be rounding up this year,that her only brother has about 5 children,the child is the only one that went to school among the 5 children
N since it is said, the way you lay your bed so you will lie on it,
Her husband was not use to doing anything for her family like that,so at this level, she was the one that is sponsoring the child single handedly
I actually learnt a lot from that family even before I got married,I intentionally told myself that,I won't make my family less useful in my marital home either will I make my spouse less important in my biological family, even my in-laws,all I will do is, everyone is important but we all know our boundaries and need to balance it up, my husband is my husband,I know my brothers strength n weaknesses, there was a time my husband wanted giving my brother a task I said no, same with my husband's brother too,he wanted giving his brother a task,I discouraged him, some things are uncalled for,how will I wear same cloth with my siblings on such an occasion? my siblings won't even agree, how will I make my husband give his expensive shoe to a brother that drinks to stupor?I will even be the one to say no
Oluwatosin Gbadamosi
Balancing your relationship with your spouse and your bonds with siblings is crucial for a harmonious family life. While both connections hold significance, maintaining equilibrium is key.
The family you are creating together takes precedence over the family you were born into. Your husband holds a place of utmost importance in your life; he understands this, and everyone around you recognizes and respects this value.
The respect you show towards your spouse is the foundation for how others perceive and treat him. When a woman loves and respects her husband, he will go to great lengths to support not only her but also her friends and family. Sadly, many women are unaware of the profound impact this respect can have.
Balancing sibling love with your spouse can indeed present challenges, but it is essential to nurture a healthy and thriving family dynamic.
Ikechukwu Geoffrey
Truth is that a man and a woman married to each other are supposed to be priority to each other first before anyone else. Mother, father or siblings should never come first before the spouse. A lot of people have a flawed view and understanding about marriage.
When people marry, they become physically, emotionally and spiritually one body. And Marriage is a partnership between two people. And a man is to leave his father and mother including siblings to be joined to his wife and the woman is to do the same thing too.
I am not saying people should avoid their siblings when they marry. No. My point is no sibling or family member should be taken above the spouse. Be good to your siblings and parents but none should take the place of the spouse or be treated better than the spouse. Your spouse should always come first in anything before anyone else.
There are times you make sacrifices for your parents and siblings, the spouse should also be aware. Infact I usually advise that the man and woman should be open to each other about anything including matters about their parents and siblings. Marriage is not a secret society. I advocate for openness all the time.
From the very beginning, couples should have an open line of communication and not hide anything including money and their finances. So even if you're giving money to parents or siblings, you should do it together with your spouse. Nothing should be hidden. You're both one and not two separate entities. Everything has to be done together. Some may think this is a hard thing to do. But frankly it makes things easier for the couple.
Yes, because this way, no parent, sibling or relative will want to manipulate you for their own selfishness because your partner is in the know of everything. And everyone will know their place, where to draw the line and how to maintain their boundary. If the matters of siblings amd parents are not handled with wisdom, it can scatter the marriage and when that happens, everyone will suddenly shift and face their lives and the man and the woman will bear the pains for the rest of their lives.
Love your parents and siblings BUT your spouse FIRST before anyone else.
Lawal AbdulAfeez Arishekola
Navigating the balance between sibling love and marriage is indeed a complex challenge. These stories highlight the importance of communication and setting boundaries in a marriage. It's essential for couples to prioritize their relationship while still maintaining healthy relationships with their siblings. Finding a middle ground can lead to stronger marriages and happier families. Let's all learn from these experiences and engage in open conversations to ensure that both spouses feel loved and valued. As for the suggested day, perhaps a weekend would be ideal for people to come together and discuss this significant topic.
Ogechukwu Nzewi
Many people desire marriage but are not ready to LEAVE and CLEAVE!
At the beginning of every relationship before marriage, there are questions couples must sit to discuss and the importance of professional marriage counseling cannot be overemphasized.
1: What does marriage mean to you: Most times we assume marriage means the same thing to us.
2: What does family mean to you, what are your views and beliefs about family?
3: What type of marriage do we want to have?
4: What are the values and structures that will guide our marriage.
5: What type of relationship do you have with your parents and siblings?
What boundaries do we need to put in place to ensure we don't hurt each other while still relating with our siblings and parents.
We need to draw the line between siblings love, enabling bad behavior and pure wickedness!
Tekena Liamge-Koko
A man would not permit "siblings love" to threaten his peace and ruin his home.
If she prioritizes "siblings love" above the peace of her husband and the sanctity if her home, then she's welcome to them.
Chinazo Okechukwu
All these examples are not the case in many homes. It's more a case of misplaced priorities and lack of understanding of what marriage truly entails.
A selfish person will be selfish, sibling love or not.
Let us be more like Jesus and glorify Him in our relationships. What a blessing it will be to every marriage out there that seeks to bring God glory.
Where couples work on themselves to learn what love truly means, especially the First Corinthians Thirteen kind of love.
The place of the two becoming ONE in every sense of the word. A selfish person can't live that out. So it's a mind thing.
Let couples work on their minds, using God's insightful book (The Bible) as a guide. Practicing it brings great peace to every home.🌹
D-Vine Agro food Market and Errand Service
These are so abnormal...
When u are married, ur marriage should be ur priority...
Concerning ur family, there should be boundaries..
Yes ,family has it's place but a line should be drawn..
Alot of us do it so obviously that our spouses begin to get jealous...
There is a limit to everything...
Consider urself... If ur spouse shows more open love to his/her sibling more than they do to you, how would u feel?
Wisdom is profitable to direct...
Nobody says u should hate ur family members...but we should be wise in our dealings...
Spouses who fall into this category should pls desist from such. And u will see sweeter wine in ur marriage.
Shalom.
Grace Eleojo Oba
Some go into marriage with the bias
mindset that husband would always
disappoint (stain ya white) but siblings would never.
So they channel all their love and energy
to their siblings and neglect their husbands who has not disappointed
them in any way by the way.
A senior friend once told me this just before I married..
'Never u ever let ur husband doubt ur love
for him,at every point in time t', and also his position as first in ur life'..
And not just by words of mouth, but action.
He said such a man would go any length for his wife.
And in my years of marriage,I would say I concur.
Healthy Sustenance
My brothers are more closer to my husband more than me.
They discussed their plan with him
My husband is just like like my parents child to them.
It depends on understanding of the couples and the behaviour of the siblings.
Ineze Patience
I know of someone who can do anything for her siblings but nothing for her husband's siblings, she sees husband siblings as evil people only her siblings are saint
Vera Uchechukwu Nweke
It's just a common show of ignorance!
This happens when you don't fully understand what Marriage entails... Marriage is about each other's (you and your spouse) happiness, growth and fulfilment 🥰
Olasunkanmi Angela Chioma
These things are below or beyond love. They are flawed upbringing issues.
When you marry someone who is equally unintelligent emotionally like their siblings giving these vibes, they give strength to these altered exhibitions and the partner becomes the sole victim of the aberation.
And to imagine that some that will come here to give hot takes are the same purveyors of these Ills between their siblings and their spouses. Sad!
Chioma Kel-Aguwuom
Two shall become one is not what the ordinary human will understand. It's a deep biblical statement which works for those who believe and uphold it.
There are even siblings that contribute to broken homes/marriages and the spouses let them. Odiegwu!
Daniella C Nwabueze
The truth Is, most of the spouses who hurts their partners knowingly/unknowingly by loving their siblings or parents so much without knowing how to balance it are either victims of social media wrong advices, wrong & unbalanced upbringing by their parents not showing them the practical example of what it means to love one's spouse, wrong advices from bad friends with the belief of "Your spouse is not your family" and those with the mindset of bearing "Mr & Mrs" title..
May we not miss it in this Ministry called marriage 🙏
Precious Onyedika
Topics like these are usually controversial. Many will kick against siblings love, many will support it with their full chest..
Base on my preference, there's no perfect template for this but there are guidelines attached.
As individuals, we grew with our siblings for years and the bond has already been built. There'll always be a trace of unashamed love irrespective of the act your sibling is into..
This is also likened to a situation when a lady (before getting married) put her brother as the next of kin in every of her assets then she get married and start giving birth and doesn't change part of the next of kin details to her children.
If she eventually dies or something happens along the way, there'll be conflict of interest in terms of ownership
Here's my take on this..
Life is symbiotic, that is, both parties has to benefit. There can always be a way to strike balance when handling issues like this.
Love your husband with due diligence and don't place him below your siblings. Your spouse is the first assignment you have. Both of you should agree on what to do before involving a third party.
When you get married, your siblings and parent becomes a third party and vise versa. You and your spouse should decide base on agreement before an extension.
I have heard of ladies who'll never prepare their husband cocktail or a special delicacy. Any day you see such, it means in-laws are coming and she keeps starving the man..
The bible talks about women submitting to her husbands. Submission isn't slavery. Submission isn't weakness!!
Our ladies need to commit themselves to total submission and follow precepts that governs marriages.
May God help us. Amen
Nnagbo Amarachi Agba
It’s obvious those women do not understand what is marriage,and are not really married to their husbands not to talk of loving their men.
Patience Ugoji
Most times we enable bad behaviour or values in the name of showing or having love for our sibling as in the case of the woman who allows her brother steal from her husband. But in the real sense,that's not love. When we truly love,we should be able to correct and support to grow and promote a better version of the one we love and not enabling them to sink even deeper in vices that will destroy them. Many do not understand that in marriage as a woman,after God the next is your husband and kids before any other person. This is vice versa of course. Most times the very sibling whom out of love you placed above your husband has his or her own family and might really not do same for you.
Chinwe Pat Afoenyi
I know a family where the husband can do anything for his mother and siblings but his wife and children, nothing for them
He sends his mother abroad for vacation, his wife has never travelled out of the state they live
He opens business for his brothers, the wife is doing nothing because no money to start a business
Recently the woman got a job with an oil firm in another state far from there state, it became war from the man's people, that the woman should stay back and take care of the children, that family should come first
Ellen Chinny-Naz Ogbonna
This generation no dey joke with their siblings ooo. But not to the detriment of their spouses happiness.
Let the discussions begin
Sarah Idoko Apinega
This is so sad
Recently Mr A younger brother and sister faked their brother kidnap and arranged with the so called kidnappers. A huge sum was paid for his release.
Mr A's wife was not convinced with the stories narrated by her brother in-law after the release.
She got the brother in-laws account and requested a friend of hers working in same bank to help check the account.
Low and behold...they found millions lying prettily in his account.
The case has been reported to the police
Wisdom Simon
Chioma Ifeanyi-Eze Biblically 📖 speaking 🔊 the scriptures say A man 👨 or woman 👩 who really wants to get married MUST leave their mother 👩🍼 and father👨🍼 (which symbolises the family 👪 ) and stick to their husbands/wife's so that the two of them will become one flesh
GENESIS 2:24
MATHEW 19:5
MARK 10:8-9
EPHESIANS 5:31
Lota Sheila Agumbah - Chukwuma
Even children are not supposed to come in between a man and his wife not to talk of siblings and parents ( family members).
Steph Nora Amaka
Women does this a lot
Even as far as stealing from their spouse to support their families.
But when a man show care to his family on top his own money wahala go burst.
I don't think we are ready for this conversation
Sweetsmile Igebu
I am not married yet and I love my siblings dearly but I believe once one decides to get married, your immediate family comes first.
This has been decreed from the beginning in Gen 2:24 and even reiterated in Matt 19:5-6.
Obianuju Ejindu Oguaputaezi
Our youths need an orientation of the actual meaning of marriage,
Irrespective of the bond between siblings, your spouse should be number one priority.
Some wives enter the kitchen and prepare food based on what and how the children want it, and not what the man want, this is not good. 😏
Children should should learn and grow with what daddy want.
I believe true love in marriage should be superior to siblings love, they have their own family.
Who says we can't treat our siblings right when we love and reference our spouse? 🤷
Nwokọma Nke Abụọ.
And the two shall leave their families and become one.
When you get married, your spouse becomes the MOST IMPORTANT PERSON in your life.
If you can't follow this BASIC aforementioned rule kindly stay in your family house and stop stressing your spouses.
No one is forcing you to do get married.
Tolu Alao
Boundaries, maturity and clear communication are important in every aspect of life.
Have sense before you decide to get married and destroy other people. If you cannot leave your birth family and cleave to your destiny partner, do not bother to get married. Contrary to what society says, it is NOT by force.
Understand that once you are married, your primary responsibility is to your spouse and children. Be discerning enough to determine what kind of home you want to build and what values you want to have.
Prioritising your siblings and parents over your spouse and children will never end well.
Putting other people's luggage on your head, while carrying yours in your hands is unwise. In the words of my people, a pregnant woman should never give out her birth canal (what she would use to deliver her baby).
Nyaknobong Elijah Akpaka
I know a woman who collected money from the husband to pay her children's fees but took part of the money and gave to her brother for business. The school called the husband to inform of his children's indebtedness, the man told the school administrator that he gave full school fees to his wife to pay. He was sent proof of how much his wife paid. He called his wife and then his wife told him what she used part of the money for.
The man was embarrassed.
Okafocha CJ
It better not be me
I cannot fit
Me dey love you, you dey love another person abi?
E be like you no like long life and prosperity
Why should I employ my wife's sibling in the first place?
I won't even hire my blood brother if I can't readily fire him.
My guide for hiring is never to hire someone that I can't 🔥
Sarah Ogah
Issues of marriage breeding such characters/attitudes are pervasive and not to be treated on the face value as there is much more that is not open/knowledgeable to those who may be afar. It is an anomaly for a woman to rather wear uniform with her siblings on the dedication of a child after 12years of waiting, in the name of deep bond with siblings🤷🏽♀️ - are they the ones she had the child with?
On the drunk man and shoes, I can’t see where shoes are a solution to one who clearly needs medical attention, therapy and counseling for an extensive period to break free; nor the woman who would support her family to steal from her husband to the detriment of ‘her own’ family.
These are all abnormal situations that come from mindsets built on experiences, bitterness and happenstances around them or which they are still in. Indeed it will be good to have that special day for it😁.
Chidi Obiagwu
Do you even call the last example love from siblings?
Without missing words or any eye service, many married women are just married because of the benefits they received from the man.
Daniel Wumani
As bad as it is....she may not even be aware that she is wrong or hurting the man. I wouldn't be surprised is she is calling the husband a wicked man who doesn't love her people.
In my weakness to bear foolishness...I will just quit and u go marry your siblings
Jemima Feese
Self-centred families, it is always about them them them!
Most times they gang up on the one married to a rich spouse or the unmarried keep mounting pressure on the married ones, putting them through emotional blackmail
They're always telling them not to let their spouse seperate them, those that are raised by mothers are even worst
Akinpelu Jumoke Victoria
It happen on both sides, I have a friend who loves her husband siblings more than her own siblings, if she is to assist her siblings it's always with an unfavorable condition
Busola Adekunle
This one is not sibling love oh.
It is sibling extortion.
Ope Samuel Peesam
I feel hurt for the husbands just reading this. God please help our marriages
Ibewuike Ifeanyi Innocent
It's because of these some school.of thought say wives are not family, but her kids are family.
Most wives don't understand they are more connected to their husband in building a new home just like their parents did to birth them.
The foundation started going bad when she is of the orientation that she owes her family first before her husband, I can still tell u some of these attitude push me outside because he feels she doesn't love him.
Alot of men di.e in silence in their home becy they think if they speak out they will lost the small peace in their home will some take drastic decision to confront the issue and it never end well because such ladies are very adamant.
I know of a family a young man was about to build a house for his family and the wife who was just a gf then pressure him to marry first then build the house afterwards, now in the marriage she is not forcing the man to build for both families else no building will happen.
Marriage no easy oh, those who married right don't know how lucky they are, some lucky men celebrate their wives and some lucky wives can't thank God enough
Jennifer Ota
Any love that will have a Dent, to my home, peace and my kids future is out of it.
Agatha Gimba Kadiri
Hmmmm..... there's need for respect for each side and boundaries created for peace sake
Rahaman Daniel Umoru
It's heart-wrenching to witness how sibling bonds can sometimes unintentionally strain marriages. The story of the woman who wore a uniform with her sisters for her child's dedication, leaving her husband hurt, illustrates the complexity of these relationships.
Similarly, the woman favoring her drunk brother over her spouse, or the brother's betrayal in the workplace, underscores the need for healthy boundaries.
This topic deserves careful consideration. Perhaps setting aside a day for open dialogue as you suggested, like a "Siblings and Spouses Day," would provide a platform for sharing stories and insights.
It's vital to strike a balance between family loyalty and nurturing the marital relationship, ensuring love is expressed in a way that doesn't harm our partners. #chiomaifeanyieze
Fati Sani
I will place who has my interest at heart first ooo, be it my siblings, spouse, parents or friends.
Ifeoma Nwafor
What a very nice topic to discuss.
SIBLING LOVE AND HOW IT AFFECTS MARRIAGES.
However, I am curious as to why the three examples you gave are all about the wife's siblings.
Or are there not Husbands who practise siblingship love to the point where it affect his own family?
Husbands who buys land and put their brother's/Sisters name as next of kin.
Who buys property and give their elder sisters to keep when the wife doesn't know that the man even has a land talk more of lands.
Nice topic but let's try to balance it.
Okechukwu Nwoke
Understanding that a married man and woman are one in all sense and nothing or nobody should come in between them is still valid. So a man should leave his family and cleave to his wife and vice versa and they shall be one flesh( paraphrased from the bible).
Understanding and applying the above scripture will make a man or woman place the other partner above his or her own family, siblings or parents. So you should not hurt your partner to please your siblings or family. But there is a place of balance where the two can discuss and agree as one to help or consider any of their siblings or family members. Talking and clear mutual conversation can make every process smooth and hurtless.
Lydia Drambi Nuhu
The people you cited in the examples above don't actually understand the mystery of scriptural and godly marriage. The moment you seal that contract before God and many witnesses, your order of priority changes. God first, your spouse second before anyone else. What a spouse should do is to try and maintain a balance between their spouse and siblings and when it comes to choice then one's spouse has to be considered reason why everyone should try to get it RIGHT from the BEGINNING. The examples you cited above is as a result of the bridge of trust between spouses. When one spouse proves not to be trustworthy, such things happen when the other would prefer to choose their blood other than their spouses. The moment people understand and follow the concept, precepts and principles of scriptural and godly marriage, then the above problem will not even exist as everyone within the two families understand their roles and boundaries.
Chioma Uchechukwu
What of men that love their kids more than their wives?
Chioma Uchechukwu
These are not sibling love o. There is a misconception of marriage by these ones.
Elijah Enoch
People with such mindsets are not married.
They are just roommates to their spouses.
These types of people do not understand what marriage is, or they are deliberately wicked and aim to use their marriage to fund their sibling's lives.
They need a complete factory reset.
They need to be re-engineered into the reality of love and marriage.
But, how can someone who doesn't see anything wrong with what he/she is doing seek help?
Daniel Jerry
This shows that many enter into marriage due to vague understanding of what it is.
There was no intentional leaving and cleaving on part of the woman or the man who has decided to do so the above mentioned cases.
Yes, blood is blood before and after marriage but there must be maturity on part of the woman and family of which she came from.
It shows many come into marriage to satisfy there sexual urges forgetting that emotional, financial, spiritual and mental stability is also important.
My advise to intending couples is this never enter into marriage until you have read enough, studied successful marriages and allow yourself to be properly mentored
Joy Oluebube Nnebuo
Omo this is serious and even extreme. If they want to show excess love to their siblings then it is better to use your own money.
Things should be done in moderation.
Preshmarcel Eze
You can love your siblings as much as u can but allowing the love to come between you and your spouse is a no no.
And if your siblings are wise and want you to remain happy in your home,they won’t allow themself to be instruments fashioned @gainst your spouse
Nnoaham Anthony Ugochukwu
They never really loved to Thier partner
Noticed it's only women, marrying out of money and financial gain
Adaobi Izuagba
That’s not siblings love 💕 that I know
I share a deep bond with my brothers but those ones will never allow me have issues with my Inlaw’s
They prefer to stay afar to avoid deir only sister having issues
O yes 🙌 they will travel seven seas for my sake
God bless the gold that he gave me as brothers
Maureen Ella
This topic may take so long to get over with.
Sibling love does not necessarily mean becoming blind to obvious wrong.
I made a post the other day on an article I tilted -'Love is Not Corruption"
The message was for parents who may want to go overboard in supporting their children even when they have to do what is wrong or turn thier eyes away from the misdeeds of their kids.
You cannot love a person and allow them make mistakes that can thwart their destiny for ever.
Back to the gist, siblings are bound to love one another. These are persons who have been raised together and seen life in the family front together from their tender ages. They have supported each other and overcome a lot together. Love lives amongst siblings.
However, this does not mean there must be a blind eye when you see a sibling going astray! No, true love should not condone danger.
Moreso, this love among siblings should not be a hindrance to the love that spouses ought to share between themselves.
Marriage is a covenanted relationship: the vows are like an oath. An oath to love and be loved, and this love must be nurtured.
Siblings had already nurtured their love unconsciously by the life the shared together from childhood into adulthood but spouses are the new "children" who have made a decision to love and they owe themselves the duty to nurture and keep their love.
Now, a sibling who loves their sibling indeed must recognize that marriage is beyond sibling-ship and should respect their siblings marriage and not be a reason why the oath and love of their sibling gets rubbed on the mud.
Again, each spouse must know how to treat their spouses rightly and not in a way to make the other person feel spitted or demeaned from their sibling relationships.
Honour your spouse and do not make your spouse feel like a second class. Honestly, some spouses are "hurting" because of how much reverence their partner's siblings have over them. We must learn to draw the line.
Also, do get married and automatically think that your spouse should begin to hate their sibling because you are now in their life. No!
Stopping your spouse from talking to, visiting, greeting or relating with their family because you are now in their life is a no-no!
You stop your spouse from relating with their family cordially but you are in constant cordial relationship with yours- this is actually a terrible thing.
The must be a rightful place for everyone.
Being suspicious of your spouse's decision and thinking they are being ruled by friends or family when they are not is also a no-no!
Having to take decisions that concern your spouse and yourself only based on what your siblings tell you when your spouse's was not a part of this process is a no-no!
Do not spite your spouse in honour of your sibling and do not throw your siblings away for no just reason because you have a spouse.
Remember to carry your spouse along in your valuable relationships, this will make it easy for love to flow.
Every relationship in life is important. Marriage is the sacred of them all because it is covenanted by God.
We all need to have wisdom to balance our relationships rightly and enjoy life.
#mamasweetdiamonds
#loveisnotcorruption
Irene Angel
The first scenerio is not a biggie., Why isn't everybody wearing the asoebi? A neighbor did asoebi for her child's dedication and that was not even her first child. Everybody including the couple wore the asoebi
Osuala Stephen Chukwuebuka Uzoeshiagamba
This and so many close sad cases proves why some people despite how long or how much the love of relationship has been, they still love with their senses intact.
So they don’t lose their self esteem while trusting and loving wholeheartedly.
I wonder how any manipulative partner positions their mouths whenever they want to take negative advantage of their relationship with their other partner.
Ajakaiye Jherry
It's hard to see a man love his siblings at the detriment of his family, but this other gender ehn 😪
Oluchi Ojiugo Osuebi
This topic bah! Unfortunately the people on this table have all gone mute.
The next na to begin attack from their personal pages and start throwing shades on Chioma Ifeanyi-Eze why should she use women as a case study... 😂 war Will soon start.
We are not ready for this conversation honestly. Until you experience it first hand, you won't understand the pain. Sometimes it has not to do with the aggrieved partner having trauma in the past.
Elfrida Alaka
FAMILY BOUNDARIES....A topic that Africans don't like so much.
Nneka Nwankwo
That last one is not sibling love again, the family bu ndi oshi..... The man should pursue all of them out.
Isaac Chibundu Nwaubani
And as justice is being done to this topic, only kind words will be used..abi nau
Stella Chioma
All the scenarios pointed out are all from the woman, I wish there were a few from the men's angle as that's even more damaging.
Some persons may assume it's a women's issue. No this is not a battle of the sexes.
Andrew Chika Best
We are seriously not ready for this topic cos because if we begin to share everywhere go burst
Ozoko Tudeep Wiseone
All the cases mentioned in your most are actually not married yet...
They're just living together and manufacturing bullets for the devil to use and finish them in their nearest future.
Chioma Onwuelingo
It’s all shades of wrong
You can love your family/husband but not at thr detriment of another
Stealing is a crime and does not suddenly becomes accepatable because it was perpetrated by a family member
It simply means the wife does not see her husband as herself and her family
Imagine if reverse was the case and the husbands family does this to the wife will she take it calmly
No this is not sibling love but w1ckedness
Don Hamza Alkali
Anyone coming across this comment just know you are important and useful just the way you are ☺️❤️
Duchess Bernice
Uniform keh, some of things started while dating. He won't give you money at all for keeps because you are not his family yet. The patterns
Walter Uchenna Echofe
This is why some men see wives as serious strangers despite how long they've been.
Conclusion
Nurturing healthy sibling relationships is crucial for maintaining marital harmony and emotional well-being. By prioritizing open communication, setting boundaries, and addressing unresolved conflicts, couples can prevent undue strain on their marriages. Embracing empathy and understanding towards each other's familial ties fosters mutual respect and strengthens the marital bond. Through these efforts, couples create a supportive environment where both sibling love and marital bliss can flourish simultaneously. By recognizing the interconnectedness of these relationships and implementing proactive strategies, couples can navigate the complexities of family dynamics with grace, ensuring that their union remains resilient and harmonious.
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