Relationship Palava! Would You Trust Your Spouse Overcome Money Issues

This write-up Relationship Palava! Would You Trust Your Spouse Overcome Money Issues takes a look at how to deal with money issues in a relationship.

Would You Trust Your Spouse Overcome Money Issues

Talking about the role of money in any relationship, it is one aspect of marital issues if not properly or carefully handled, is what is bringing a whole lot of setback towards building the rightful relationship where trust and mutual understanding reign. 
 
This article takes a look at how to deal with money issues in a relationship, money issues in dating relationships, how does money affect relationships, tired of financially supporting my husband, what are your initial thoughts about money and relationships, money imbalance in relationships, money issues in marriage and marrying someone with no money.

After the Digging Deep Service of today Tuesday 23 March 2021, I took our son shopping for him to get his Dano milk as recommended.
 
At home after helping out on what needs to be done, I decided to go check my Facebook page. Today, I am in a good mood. Google Adsense just credited me. Una do well Google. If not for you guys, how man pikin for take survive this lockdown wey coro come bring.

Anyway what got my attention was this post on Kenneth Chibuikem Nwakanma facebook timeline and the reactions that followed. Here it goes!.
 
Recently there’s been this buzz on social media where women were asked if they’d contribute anything to their husband building a house or acquiring a property.
 
Some went on to say, no matter how much they love their husbands or vice versa, if their names are not on the property, they won’t add a dime, but they’ll use the property or live there as far it’s their husband’s property.

Well, it simply means you don’t TRUST your husband, you’re trying to stay woke or you’re already preparing yourself for a divorce when it’s not even necessary.
 
On that note, read the next lines and see for yourself.
 
Saw this  Somewhere.
 
My Wife’s Salary Was a Mystery Until I discovered How Much She’s Truly Worth
 
In 2016 she told me her salary was GHC950. And then two years later, when she got promoted, I asked about her salary and she said, “Oh these people, don’t mind them. They added only Ghc350 to my old salary. Because of her meager salary, I’ve taken up so many responsibilities in the house without complaint. I pay for utilities and pay for food. I pay the fees of our two kids, clothe them, and take care of their medical bills. When my wife sends me a grocery list, she adds sanitary pads. She buys dresses and clothes, comes to show them to me, and asks me to pay for them. She started talking about a car when our second child came in. Things weren’t good on my side so I asked her to give me some time. She said, “I’ve saved something. I can add it to what you have so you pay me when your money comes.”
 
I agreed and took that money from her, topped it up to get her a car. For three months my ears never rest. She would wake up at dawn and ask me to pay what I owed her. I got tired and paid the money when I didn’t have much in my account.
 
One evening, I turned my laptop on and saw a lot of emails. I checked and it was my wife’s email that had been opened. I asked her, “Did you use my laptop?” She answered, “Yeah I was checking something.” I told her, “Then you didn’t log out.” She answered, “I forgot. Please log out for me.” I was about to log out when something caught my attention. I saw a mail with the subject, “January Payslip.” I opened and started going through. When I saw her gross salary, I was shocked. GHC4,734? And this girl has been crying poverty?
 
I went through the details. That night I couldn’t sleep. I was angry. I felt let down. I felt cheated. I felt played. We’ve been married for six good years and my wife earned that much without my knowledge? How much she earned didn’t bother me a lot than what she was using that money for. I decided not to talk immediately but rather do a little bit of investigation.
 
All my life I’ve held the view that it wasn’t right for anyone to go through their partner’s phone. It’s an invasion of privacy and it breeds mistrust in the relationship but that night, going through her phone was the only way to find out what I was looking for. I started with her best friend. Nothing much was found. Her family had a Whatsapp group. I read the messages there. I got a few hints. I went through the chat with her father and that was when I realized my wife had bought a piece of land and had started building. Her father was in charge of the project. He had sent photos of the various stages of the building. At some point, her father said, “Thank you for helping out your brother. He would have been home had it not been you.”
 
She has only one brother—her senior brother. I went to look for the chat between them. Her senior brother lost his job and was home doing nothing so my wife bought her Hyundai i10 to use for Uber. Every week, her brother rendered an account and they split the money. From all indications, my wife was doing well for herself while she played poor so she could rely on my salary. Why would she do that? I thought I was being a supportive husband so my wife could be proud of the man she married. When we bought land, it was her name and my name that appeared on the land title. That car I bought for her with a loan from her bears her name. I didn’t mind. I believed what hers was also mine.
 
The next morning she realized I wasn’t looking well. I was boiling on the inside but looking for a good opportunity to start the conversation. When I calmed down a little, I asked her, “So why would you do that to me?” She asked, “What have I done?” I answered, “You bought land, you never told me. You started building on it, you never told me. When are you going to tell me?” She was shocked. She asked, “Who told you all that?” I said, “Your father did.” She stood quiet for a while. She asked, “Why would my father tell you all that? What were you people talking about” I said, “I don’t know. You can ask him.”
 
We left it there. Some minutes later she came to me with her phone: “My father wants to talk to you.” The phone was already on a loudspeaker. His father was clearly angry. He asked, almost shouting, “You said I told you my daughter has a building? Where did I say that and when?” I asked, “Is it not true that my wife has a building project going on that you’re supervising?” He asked me, “I told you that?” I asked, “Is it true or not?” After the back and forth I told them, “I read your messages last night. I saw the pictures. I read the various budgets you had sent to my wife. I read the confirmation of the money receipts that you sent her. You’re a man. Would you be happy if your wife does this to you?” He started fumbling. He started apologizing saying he thought I was aware.”
 
My wife stood there motionless, didn’t know what to say. When her father hung up, I told her everything I knew, from her salary to the car she bought for her brother. I said, “Yet, even your sanitary pad, I buy them. You think I’m a fool? You’ll use your money to acquire your own properties and live on mine because you’re my wife? I hear. We’ll see.”
 
Trust was lost. Love was broken. We had to find a new way of living our lives going forward. Her father called me every morning and evening apologizing for everything and sometimes taking up the blame so I didn’t have to blame his daughter. I told him, “The emotional state I’m in right now, it would be hard to think straight or think forgiveness. Just give me space.” Three days later, they were in our house. The father, the mother, and the senior brother. They came to apologize. “Don’t let this break up the beautiful marriage you both have. If nothing at all, consider the kids and be lenient in your judgment.”
 
I listened to them. My position was still the same. “I need time to clear my mind. Just leave me alone to think.” From last month to this moment that I’m writing this, my wife has changed totally. She doesn’t ask for money but the house is being run smoothly. She has started paying for things she never paid for but that doesn’t move me. She has taught me a very great lesson and I’m taking it seriously. That in everything, I have to look out for myself and my family first. Last she told me, “If you want us to change the names on those properties, we can do so.” Guess whose name is on the property…her father’s name.”
 
I told her, “You don’t need to change anything. They are yours. You suffered for them so you can decide what you want to do with them.” The land I bought has our names. I’m selling it and taking my money back. The car she’s driving has her name. I put a for-sale sticker on it some weeks ago. She agreed she’ll pay for the car. I’ve given her two months to pay up or I sell it and take my money. She’s getting the message and I’m glad. Each one for himself, God for us all. She keeps asking if I’m going to leave her. I keep telling her I won’t but if she wants a divorce, I will gladly give her. I’m not going to leave the marriage. I would give us some time to heal and see what may happen but when it comes to money, I’ve taken the lesson she taught me through her actions.
 
=========
As for me, I don’t think I’ll ever trust her as a person let alone my wife.
P:S don’t take advice from women who have daddy issues or women whose dads didn’t love their mothers properly.
 
The reactions from this post got me thinking. At the last count, it was 61 comments and for me, I have here the most relevant ones. 
 
This is so painful.
Nothing breaks a bond faster than being "used".
I don't know why it's hard for people to understand that a husband and wife are supposed to be one.
I hope he heals alright.
—Zubby Cyprian

As a man, never you underestimate a woman's capabilities.
They can do the unimaginable and not tell you, trust her, but verify.
—Osazee Kelvin King

This is a very sad story,
I remember when my mom sold one of her property, it was my dad that even collected the money, they both shared it, but my dad took larger part, I grew up with that, knowing what’s mine is my husbands, that’s was very wrong, God wouldn’t allow me marry who I don’t trust.
One woman in my church was advising me to have a secret bank, because I told her my fiancé has the passcode to my bank apps.
He has never taken money, he just knows it when I was sick and he needed to help me send money to a vendor from my app.
Taking her car or selling it doesn’t make sense tho.
It has been done, they should move on and pray God revives trust in that marriage.
As for the first paragraph, yes I can join my husband in acquiring a property the family name should be on the property, because it wasn’t an individual effort, so both names should be on it.
—Blessing Gabrielle Eneji

Omo this one deep oooh very very deep, who would have believed that a woman who pretended to be broke would have such an amount of money at her disposal my God this is absolutely bad.
—Moses Achi

Dammmmmm.... All these things, going on in marriages so. Nah to make us fear marriage ni.
—Joseph Owoicho Abah

I want to know if the man doesn't have a secret.
—Franca Nwabueze

Franca Nwabueze, You have just started defending evil because she is a woman. Just be careful.
—Sabastine Onyinyechi

Franca Nwabueze, Our focus is on the post, it’s just like when a man is caught cheating and the wife decides to cheat back.
—Kenneth Chibuikem Nwakanma

All am saying is dat she should b forgiven and given a second chance cos he loves her wen she was playing been poor and wat if she was poor.
—Franca Nwabueze

Franca Nwabueze, stop this
Read this post and understand she was ACTING poor.
And LIED to the husband.
If the tables were turned round, you won’t defend this man I swear.
—Kenneth Chibuikem Nwakanma

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Nsikak Andrew: Relationship Palava! Would You Trust Your Spouse Overcome Money Issues
Relationship Palava! Would You Trust Your Spouse Overcome Money Issues
This write-up Relationship Palava! Would You Trust Your Spouse Overcome Money Issues takes a look at how to deal with money issues in a relationship.
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Nsikak Andrew
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